This is an adapted extract from Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.
Harry gasped; he could not stop himself. The large dungeon which[1] he had entered was horribly familiar to him. Not only had he seen it before, he had been here before. This was the place he had visited inside Dumbledore’s Pensieve, the place where he had watched the Lestranges sentenced[2] to life imprisonment in Azkaban.
The walls were made of a dark stone, lit with[3] torches. He could[4] make out empty benches on either side of him, but in front of him, in the highest benches, were many dark figures. They had been talking in low voices, but when the heavy door closed behind Harry, there was[5] an ominous silence.
He heard a cold male voice from the other side of the courtroom.
“You’re late.”
“Sorry,” said Harry nervously. “I didn’t know the time had changed.”
“That is not the Wizengamot’s fault,” said the voice. “An owl was sent to you[6] this morning. Take your seat.”
Harry looked at the chair in the centre of the room, the arms[7] of which[8] were covered with chains. He had seen those chains come to life and bind any[9] person who sat there. He walked across the stone floor. His footsteps echoed loudly. Feeling sick, he looked up at the people seated on the bench above him.
1 Don’t use “que” here. we say “entrer dans”
2 say “the sentencing of the Lestranges to life imprisonment in Azkaban”
3 use “de”
4 no need to use “pouvoir” here. Which tense?
5 which tense?
6 use “on” or a passive
7 use “accoudoirs” (m)
8 use “dont” – watch the word order!
9 use “toute personne qui...”
(The passé composé is used where necessary even though the passé simple would be more authentic.)
Harry a eu le souffle coupé; il ne pouvait pas s’en empêcher. Le grand cachot où/dans lequel il était entré (il avait pénétré) lui était horriblement familier. Non seulement il l’avait déjà vu, il y était même venu. C’était l’endroit/le lieu qu’il avait visité dans le Pensieve de Dumbledore, l’endroit où il avait regardé la condamnation des Lestrange à la prison à vie à Azkaban.
Les murs étaient en pierre sombre, allumés de torches. Il distinguait des bancs vides/inoccupés de chaque côté, mais devant lui, sur les bancs les plus hauts, étaient assis(es) de nombreuses silhouettes noires (de nombreux personnages obscurs). Ils avaient parlé à voix basse, mais quand/lorsque le portail (la lourde porte) s’est fermé(e) derrière Harry, il y a eu un silence menaçant/inquétant.
Il a entendu une voix d’homme froide de l’autre côté de la salle d’audience.
- Tu es en retard.
- Je suis désolé, a dit Harry d’une voix nerveuse (sur un ton nerveux).
- Ce n’est pas la faute du Wizangamot, a dit la voix. On t’a envoyé un hibou ce matin/Un hibou t’a été envoyé ce matin. Prends ta place.
Harry a regardé/contemplé au centre/milieu de la salle la chaise dont les accoudoirs étaient couverts de chaînes. Il avait vu ces chaînes s’animer pour attacher/ligoter toute personne qui s’y installait/asseyait. Il a traversé le sol (en pierre). Ses pas ont retenti/résonné. Ayant mal au coeur, il a regardé les personnages/gens assis au-dessus de lui.
[1] careful here: remember we say “entrer DANS” so you cannot use “que”
[2] say: “the sentencing to life imprisonment of the Lestranges”
[3] use “de”
[4] no need to use “pouvoir” here
[5] Perfect or Imperfect here?
[6] use passive or “on” here
[7] use “accoudoir”
[8] use “dont”
[9] use “toute personne qui..”